dragoncon_lj_archive | I thought this might be a useful article for a few con-goers

matchgirl42.livejournal.com posting in

I could go on and on with an explanation, but I'll just link the column with the caveat: this is not me saying *anything* about your average con-goer. Please read the article through before reacting. Ktnx.

Guest blogger Starling: Schrodinger's rapist, or a guy's guide to approaching strange women without being maced.

Current Mood: cheerful

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

kylekatern.livejournal.com

1: Remember context. The book that 'makes you want to hurl' is by a well known author, and the commentary is by a character, who has, for the purposes of the FICTIONAL book, NEVER refused to take no for an answer, who HAS been a nice guy even when it means he looses out. It is given by the character as he is PURSUING a group in a van that he just saw kidnap a female co-ed next to a college campus, with his INTENT being to trail the van then contact the authorities. The author portrays rapists as the SCUM OF THE EARTH. He even, in later books, goes into detail of how, if 'circumstances' force someone to have sex, its STILL rape. He is saying that the main character can understand having URGES. And that the main character HATES those who DO those sorts of things MORE because he REFUSES to do them even when he WANTS to. Even the nicest of us, male or female, will have urges or thoughts that we cannot legally or morally do a few times in a lifetime.

2: Fantasy and reality are two very different things. I cannot know how you think, nor can you know what the inner most dark thoughts of your close friends are.

3: I am not in a home, for the most part, or on someones private property. I am walking into locations that have had issues and called us, or have a pre-existing service contract with out parent company. I am in a company uniform, not a generic work shirt, with a radio on my side, and any person an call my boss or office to verify who I am at any time.

4: I know that the way that I am treated is the only way I can tell how somebody thinks. For me, actions count, thoughts do not. How you act is how you are, does not matter your intentions or your thoughts. Thus I can be in a high security building with metal detectors, and armed guards, and be waved around them with sealed never searched tool boxes and pallets of material to do WORK. If women seem to distrust me, I believe that they do. If they act like they trust me, I must, by my guidelines, believe that they do trust me. The number of times I get asked for help, or get phone calls at odd hours for rides, help moving, a voice asking to use my spare bedroom to hide for a while, all tells me that regardless of what I may think or feel, I am, by my actions, a GOOD, TRUSTWORTHY person.

I do not know your back history, you do not know mine. All you know that I am male, or post as male here, and that I identify strongly with a male protagonist in a book. all I know about you is that you do not trust easily, may have been bitten in the past, and do not feel safe around others you do not know. I also know that trying to think like a man or hearing that men think about violent actions seems to be a very visceral 'DO NOT WANT' item for you. On the other hand, men and women ARE DIFFERENT. I am a guy, I am privileged, or seem to be, and I feel 'safe' 99% of the places I go. I also try to make those places safER for others.

From:

mirana.livejournal.com

1. I don't give a crap about how many books this guy sells (which get more disturbing and disgusting as they progress). It is beyond alarming to me because I can't fathom anyone enjoying such sexist, racist bullshit. It's scary.

I know what that (and the other books) are about. The character is disgusting. He is absolutely NOT even in the realm of a "good guy." The fact that he is framed that way and MEN BELIEVE IT is just beyond jaw-droppingly insane.

Do you know a single woman who likes those books?

I do not have thoughts about having sex with a man or woman who DOES NOT WANT TO in a rape scenario. That is NOT normal, and for you to think it is says to me that you don't know what normal is. Or else that this quote/character/book made you think that there is some form of normalcy to that type of thinking.

I don't mean my comments to be personal. I just disagree with the message he sends, ESPECIALLY in that quote.

3. I don't know your job, but if you are conducting it in a business where there are other people, then that is a different matter to what the essay discusses Re: women alone or in a place where they can not get away. Even so, it still makes no difference to the level of threat that can be percieved. There was a delievery guy at my old day job who stalked and sexually harassed multiple women before it happened to me. I hadn't known of the other cases (I was in a different department) and when he tried it on me, I called my sister who happened to be the office specialist at that delievery company. You know what she said? "AGAIN? He knows that if he does that crap he'll get put BACK in jail." No, it does not make a damn bit of difference. I'm trying to get you to understand that you are not as invisible as a "threat" as you may think.

4. I'm going to assume what you talk about at the end of this first paragraph is about women who know you. That's different from what the essay discusses (though somewhat related since there are some guys I "know" that I don't trust). For the rest, I don't know how well you read women's body language. Most men don't do it very well. Actually, the only men I know who do are gay. It is safe to assume that if you don't know a gal, she does not trust you, and YES she is assessing what threat level you are.

"may have been bitten in the past" DUDE. That is EVERY WOMAN I KNOW. The things that you "know" about me are the same that you should "know" for every woman. Like I said, I'm glad you think the essay is a good read. A surprising number of men don't know about this stuff because they don't have to think about it or endure it. The more guys who notice, the better.

From:

dijitao.livejournal.com

I'm totally with you in thinking that there is zero appeal in forced sex -- This isn't a matter of me having to repress some kind of primal urge, there is no urge.

If there were no repercussions to my actions I can think of a few people that I would enjoy punching in the face.

There are people that from time to time I think wouldn't the world just be a better place if I just put a bullet through there head, but I would never do it even if there were no consequences.

There is no part of me, not even really really deep down that wants to rape anyone.

From:

sea-haven.livejournal.com

I am a woman, and yeah, I enjoy those books.

From:

mirana.livejournal.com

I knew someone would comment on this, and I can't lie: If you're actually a chick and you enjoy them as something other than "utterly hilarious" then I am in the Twilight Zone.

From:

sea-haven.livejournal.com

Welcome to the Twilight Zone then....

Different strokes for different folks. I am a SA survivor, and yet I do enjoy the series. Does it mean that I agree with everything in it, no.....but as a whole, they are a decent read.

From:

kylekatern.livejournal.com

See, this is someone I can now feel I owe a drink. As they understand that a book can be enjoyed, or not enjoyed, based on how it makes one feel, VS the real life legality of said books actions. That, and that FICTION is designed to either entertain or to otherwise cause emotional response in the reader.